my PatterN

Got curious on Timenutlatte's mosaic and made an experiment to try my own... the pictures are out of the things I like to do, the things I love to do and the things I'm planning to do

I LoooVVeee iiTTT!!!

I am not a Saint... I smoke when I'm stressed, I drink when I party. I flirt back when I'm bored. I bite when I'm provoked. I cursed when I'm angry.

hmmm, I may not be the Saint as my Mom expected me to be, but someone up there still believes that I deserve to have a Halo...

~geeh thanks =)


thinkin of' "So What by Pink"

maybe...

It's very difficult to post something inspirational, when you've been dealing a lot of personal issues and as much as you tried to get away with them, they keep haunting you wherever you go.

"Is being happy important to stay in a marriage?" that is the question that's preoccupying my mind lately, and up to now, any link to answer the confusion was no where to be found.

Maybe, I just got tired of sacrificing everything to my partner who doesn't seem to care that I exist or maybe I just got tired of understanding his moods and got fed up on changing myself in order to fit in to his world or maybe I just got tired of loving him wherein I know for the fact that he would never treat me the way I wanted to be treated.

Maybe I got tired of forgiving him whenever I caught him flirting with another woman even if I'm pregnant... or Maybe I got tired of forgetting that he once let me suffer in raising our 3 kids (working so hard to provide their needs) while he was having a great time of his life like a bachelor... or maybe I got tired of feeling like a trash and trying to pick up the broken pieces of myself because of all the hurts he did to me.

There's a lot of maybes and there's a lot of reasons why I wanted to get out of this marriage, but at the end of the day, I still choose to go home to the same house, and be with the same bastard.

Why?

ask me again... Why?

For one main reason, my kids... I cannot leave them just like that, and I cannot take them with me just like that, it will only complicate their lives and that's what I don't want to happen.

What I want is for them to grow up believing that they have a happy family. I don't want my lil' creatures to experience what their Momi had experienced when she was growing up.


No one explained to me why Pop only comes home once a week,
why Mum always cries every night.
And no one told me what is "having an affair means".

When I finally learned the truth, it hit me so bad that I thought I won't be able to grow up like a normal individual. Can you imagine an eight-year-old girl dealing with family issues on her own? No one cared with what I felt, no one cared with what I've been through. No one asked me if I'm okay to have dinner with my Dad's mistresses... because they never cared, that's why they never asked.

and of course I cannot share those with my friends who only know at that time was Barbie dolls and Care Bears.

As I grow up, there is so much hatred in my heart, so much sadness, thus I developed the attitude that I cannot do it, I might fail and other people might not like it.

And when I got married, I thought I will have a partner who will help me to fulfill my plans and dreams, who will help me to realize that the world is full of love... but life has been unkind to me... and let me experience the same nightmare I had many years ago.


But because of the love for my kids, I have to pretend that Life is good, that the world is full of Love..

I dunno until when... maybe tomorrow, maybe next month, maybe after 5 years or maybe if my kids are ready to accept that Mom can no longer bear pretending...


thinkin of' "All at One by Whitney Houston"

sweet return...

Yay! I found my HaLo!!!


~Meeh~

and he brought some friends in the House wohooo!!!


~Rocker~



~Reaper~



~Bookworm~


~Spy~

and of course, the excitement will not be complete without..


~the Jedi Master~


thinkin of' "Beautifully Broken by Ashlee Simpson"

trying to focus

I've been reading a lot of blogs this past few weeks and some entries were really interesting. I was moved by one entry which is about how to FOCUS, how to focus even if you're stressed out with work and with play (ehehe).

The article made me realized that I'm such a lucky girl who can do anything, and everything without getting tired. But, lately, because of some unexpected distractions, my focus in the things that I do got affected.

There are times that my kid is talking to me while I am daydreaming ;p that's why it's like that I'm only watching the movement of her lips, because I don't understand anything she said. Not until she shouted "MOM!!! are you listening???"

Oftentimes, it's really hard to focus when you're thinking a lot of stuff, most especially us girls who are a bit emotional about our environment. And yeah, the past few weeks were not very good to me (aside from I miss my Halo)I'm still in doubt if I can make it to school next year on pursuing further studies. You see, even if I'm already sleeping, my mind is still working and worrying all the things I have to accomplish the next day. I dunno why I don't get tired thinking and worrying, good thing that wrinkles were not yet showing on my face hahaha

I may say that I'm very paranoid about so many stuff... for not being able to complete few things at the end of the day, for the deadlines that I did not meet, for the plans that did not pursue etc etc. I also get pissed off when my efforts were not appreciated.

But lately, the statement of my mom "you have to enjoy life as it is, go with the flow, be spontaneous, because life is too short, every minute that had passed will never come back" is starting to sink in my mind. Yeah, maybe for a change, I'll do whatever I have to do in a day, if it did not end well, I don't need to feel bad, because there is still tomorrow to finish everything. And I guess I really need to have a break wherein I will only think of myself and only myself =)

Now, I could feel that my Halo is starting to come back... Yay!!!

thinkin of' Chariot by Gavin Degraw"

trying to be Good

It's been a while since the last time I post an entry on my blog that has sense. hehehe! Well, yeah some girls have to release their emotions in order for those to subside and that's what I did to my previous entries, instead of sharing what I'm going through with someone, I chose to write those stuff to avoid any issues or any nastly talk about me (err just trying to be safe ok.)

Honestly speaking, I don't see that I'm doing something wrong, in going out with my previous customer who became my friend afterwards or to a former co-worker who needs someone to talk to about his personal issues in life. And I don't think that it's wrong to rekindle a friendship I once had with a guy, who stood by my side when I was drowning with fears and worries. I just noticed that I go along well with guys rather than girls maybe because boys are not "maarte and ma chismis" they don't care about anything, as long as they're having fun. period.

I was looking for a good book at National Bookstore (@ Rockwell) when I saw this book entitled "the art of Flirting" I browsed some of the pages when I read the line "everyone has the capacity to flirt, people flirt in different circumstances, they just don't know that they are doing the deed". Hmmm interesting, I did not buy the book (not yet), I was still thinking where to hide it, when I got it hahaha.

Nah! Not that I'm afraid to be caught reading that kind of book, I just hate being asked "why do you buy that kind of stuff? are you flirting? are you getting techniques how to be a good flirt? blah! blah! blah!" I just hate confrontation and then I have to explain my side for hours which I doubt that they will understand.

To sum up everything, I still believe that I'm not doing anything bad ;p

Damn I miss my HaLo....


thinkin of' "Far Away by Nickelback"

my RepLy

I know that some of my readers were wondering if I replied to the email of my friend who will get married soon. After taking some time thinking if I will or will not. I chose the will side, that is because he became as one of my good friends before and he was one of the good memories of my past, and I know sooner or later, the much awaited closure will finally come true.
So here it is...

from me <@gmail.com>
to « him »
date Mon, Aug 11, 2008 at 1:24 AM
subject Re: ---I miss you---
mailed-by gmail.com

Hi there!

Was really surprised when I read your email, I thought that this email address has been forgotten by someone special... someone who has been a part of my past... someone who has been a good friend to me.

Good to know that at last, you found her, and actually before I read your email I already knew that you're engaged, our good friend sent me a message about the news.

Honestly I'm happy for you (I sincerely do) because I know that you always wanted to have someone to take care of you, someone who will attend to your needs and someone who will listen to your mega-habang kwento.

As for me, I'm doing good, I'm managing a laundry shop, and at the same time working as part of US and Canada Customs and raising naughty creatures, it's tough but it's fun... you know me... I love to keep myself busy as always :P

Thanks for remembering me and I want to say sorry for everything. I don't have any intentions to make your life as well as mine to be more complicated that's why I chose to shut off anything that is related to you, anything that will remind me of you, or anything that will bring us into a huge mess. It's painful but we both know that it's the best decision for both of us, right?

Even if there are things that seem not to be perfect in my life right now, I would still not choose the easy path as what I always tell you my kids are very important on all the decisions I have to make and I guess that's the reason why I have to turn down tempting offers hehehe

Cheer up, we can still rekindle the friendship we once had, I'm just here, nothing has changed except that I now have few lines on my face because of stress ;p.
As what you told me few years back I'm better as a friend than a lover hahaha.

~ME~


and yeah I also miss you :)

Very funny! While posting this entry, tears are slowly building up in my eyes. Paul was right, when he told me that as "I grow old my realizations about life become deeper, problems get bigger, situations become more complicated" that's why sometimes I wish I could go back when the only man in my life was my Dad and my only best friend was my mom and any pain could be healed by just a band aid and a lollipop...

I never asked to have an easier life, I just wish I could avoid hurting other people's feelings especially those who have been good to me. But as much as I want to choose something that can make me and them happy, there are innocent lives at stake, and I don't want their lives to be abnormal because their mom is selfish.

I haven't checked my email after I sent my reply. Well I wanted to cool down my emotions first and when I'm ready to know what I have to know, then probably that is the signal for me to check his reply.

I know there is an ending to all of this, I just have to hold on and keep moving :)

thinkin of' "Million Miles Away by Nikki Gil"

Because of Mango Crepe

The picture says it all...
I'm still savoring the sweetness of the Mango Mania from Crepes and Creme...

thinkin of' "You're Makin me High by Toni Braxton"

Applying for a new JOB

If the one who will interview me will be like this... errr I guess I'll just put up my own business hehehe

him(8/11/2008 9:05:24 AM): good morning Kristin
her(8/11/2008 9:06:05 AM): morning
her(8/11/2008 10:08:00 AM): looks like ure not busy huh
him (8/11/2008 10:08:20 AM): ok lang. just catching up on emails before meeting with people
her(8/11/2008 10:11:28 AM): u always have meeting everyday?
him(8/11/2008 10:11:56 AM): yeah. thats how I disseminate work. hehehe
him(8/11/2008 10:12:12 AM): If I dont call meetings, I end up doing all the work myself

him (8/11/2008 10:12:13 AM): hehehe
her(8/11/2008 10:12:35 AM): smart guy
him(8/11/2008 10:12:47 AM): smart guys hire smarter people
her(8/11/2008 10:14:01 AM): hmmm if I will apply for your company, will i be qualified Mr. Manager?

him(8/11/2008 10:14:07 AM): what are your skills?
him(8/11/2008 10:15:01 AM):
her(8/11/2008 10:17:39 AM):-- what kind of skills do u want to know
him(8/11/2008 10:18:56 AM): hmmm
him(8/11/2008 10:19:11 AM): well, are you a good linguist?
her(8/11/2008 10:20:47 AM): uhmhm maybe... i know english...
her(8/11/2008 10:20:49 AM): ilocano
her(8/11/2008 10:20:51 AM): bisaya
her(8/11/2008 10:20:55 AM): gay lingo
her (8/11/2008 10:20:56 AM): hehehe
her (8/11/2008 10:21:09 AM): chabacano
him(8/11/2008 10:21:16 AM): good good. you are well skilled with your tongue then

her(8/11/2008 10:21:33 AM): hahahaha
her(8/11/2008 10:21:36 AM): crazy!!!
him(8/11/2008 10:22:06 AM): any other skills you think I should know?
her (8/11/2008 10:24:46 AM): i had gymnastic class before.. i was also once a part of the dance team ...
her(8/11/2008 10:24:58 AM): though i dunno if that will fit on the skills that you're looking for
him(8/11/2008 10:25:20 AM): so you are flexible?
her (8/11/2008 10:25:26 AM): aha
him(8/11/2008 10:25:40 AM): I think we can find a use for that
her (8/11/2008 10:25:47 AM): hahaha

her (8/11/2008 10:25:57 AM): and how about you... what are your skills?
her (8/11/2008 10:26:02 AM): aside from wrestling???
him(8/11/2008 10:26:15 AM): I am not the one who is asking to be hired... I ask the questions...
her(8/11/2008 10:26:28 AM):

him(8/11/2008 10:26:31 AM): What kind of compensation package are you expecting?
her(8/11/2008 10:28:10 AM): can we first discuss about the contract... im really not after the money...
him(8/11/2008 10:28:52 AM): ok. what are your questions for me?
her (8/11/2008 10:29:04 AM): is you're company offers exclusive contract for those who will be hired
her(8/11/2008 10:29:18 AM): or you only have slots for part-timers at this time?
him(8/11/2008 10:30:25 AM): For now the company is only hiring freelancers on a per job basis
her (8/11/2008 10:30:29 AM): let me assure you that i always take my job seriously... and i dont only settle for what needs to be done.. i always aim for the best satisfaction of the clients and the company
him (8/11/2008 10:31:02 AM): glad to know that
him (8/11/2008 10:31:17 AM): I am certainly looking forward to having you be part on one of our projects
her (8/11/2008 10:32:01 AM): thank you... and now i guess... we can discuss on how much u will offer me

him(8/11/2008 10:32:38 AM): what are you expecting?
her(8/11/2008 10:33:03 AM): if i will have a very good looking boss like you.. anything will work for me (pffft)
him(8/11/2008 10:33:15 AM): I only deal on commission basis
her (8/11/2008 10:33:23 AM): what do u mean by that
him(8/11/2008 10:34:02 AM): it means your take home will depend on your production
him (8/11/2008 10:34:13 AM): you work harder, you earn more
her (8/11/2008 10:34:42 AM): how about if i work faster will i get extra pay?
him(8/11/2008 10:35:23 AM): faster is not necessarily better.
her (8/11/2008 10:37:22 AM): ok then, got your point

her(8/11/2008 10:37:28 AM): when will i start?
him (8/11/2008 10:38:06 AM): how about tomorrow at 5:30pm?
her(8/11/2008 10:38:32 AM): let me think about it, but then i thank you for your time
him (8/11/2008 10:38:40 AM): your welcome
him(8/11/2008 10:38:46 AM): oh, and we have a dress code
her (8/11/2008 10:38:52 AM): hmmm
him (8/11/2008 10:39:16 AM): skirts for women
him (8/11/2008 10:39:17 AM):
her (8/11/2008 10:39:31 AM): no way!!!!
him(8/11/2008 10:41:07 AM): you will have HR issues then
her (8/11/2008 10:41:27 AM): is dress code more important than my skills
him(8/11/2008 10:43:07 AM): that remains to be seen

her(8/11/2008 10:48:05 AM): do u also have benefits for newly hired?
him(8/11/2008 10:48:55 AM): we offer medical
him(8/11/2008 10:49:03 AM): with Doctor Sulit
her (8/11/2008 10:49:08 AM): hahaha
her (8/11/2008 10:49:15 AM): what will be the name of my boss by the way?
him (8/11/2008 10:49:31 AM): you will be under Mr. Sulit

thinkin of' "PS I'm still not over you by Rihanna"

cOmpLicaTed

(received message 21:32)
Hey! You better watch Lipstick Jungle, will send you the DVD next week. I can see your actions with the character of Nico Reilly played by Kim Raver hehehe ~che

What na naman?!?!? i've been behaving for the past... uhmmm 20 minutes hahaha. don't wori I'll end this up soon ~theen
(sent message 21:35)

(received message 21:39)
Booh!!! promises... promises.

i know that i've been such a pain in the ass since I got married with the man whom i think is wrong for me, but thanks girl for always being there. nyt ~theen
(sent message 21:46)

(received message 22:01)
chill! i understand that you're a late bloomer that's why hahaha and i know that you just wanted to have fun because it feels good inside. and besides ure not a bad momi and i'm proud of what you've been through ~che

(received message 22:05)
i love to hear your voice before i close my eyes, can i call you ~him

no! ~her
(sent message 22:06)

(received message 22:05)
why? give me 4 reasons ~him

because i say so! ~her
(sent message 22:07)

(received message 22:09)
that's only one, i need 4 ~him

1. because i say so! 2.because i say so! 3. because i say so! and 4. because i say so! satisfied??? ~her
(sent message 22:12)

(received message 22:15)
hahaha silly girl! i will call u tomorrow either you say so or you say so ;p ~him

thinkin of' "Escape Myself by Nouvelle Vague"

playing games

Am I? Am I?

"I'm just being nice and friendly" I justified.

I know that there are times that even if I have a clear picture that someone likes me, I still provoke him to like me more hehehe, is that what you call flirting?

Chelai has been consistently warning me that "flirting" is like a dangerous game wherein if the player does not know how to play it... then she will never know when to stop.

I know that I'm having fun talking to people since I'm really longing for someone whom I can share my thoughts at the end of the day, its just that a lot of them are guys who offer their time to listen to what I want to share. And the fun there is that you're sharing each other your thoughts and feelings like no one is listening and no one is watching...

"I will give you a lot of reasons not to get rid of me" don't you love to hear those words??? where on earth did he get that?!?

I know that I'm no longer a stubborn kid who throws tantrums if she does not get what she wants... my friend was right that even if I know my limits, time will come that the game I'm playing might not be fun and exciting anymore, it might cause a lot of trouble not only to me but to my loved-ones as well.

Can you just kill me?!?!?


thinkin of' "Forgive Me by Leona Lewis"

my friend Kira

So many great things that had happened and there's a lot of catching up to do with my blog.

I'll start with the goodies I got from my friend Kira.
I was into setting up an online business because of my fascination with beads accessories, when I learned that she was selling hand-painted necklaces and was impressed with her works so I asked her is she can make me a custom-made necklaces and wow! I was the first one whom she gave in to that kind of request And not only that, she even shared the experience to her multiply buddies. I LOVE HER!

You may check http://earthlydelights.multiply.com to read more about our story hehehe.


thinkin of' "When I Grow up by Pussy Cat Dolls"