Friday, November 27, 2009

woke up with tears


I never imagined being in this kind of situation again, it just so painful that my world is so quiet and someone sooo okay came along but I cannot. Here I am again, crying in pail of tears just to be able to move on.

It's so tough to handle this all alone... me... my broken heart and my soul!

here I am again... wishing upon the stars to have my halo back =)
i know i'll be fine...
i'll be fine...

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Forbidden


I know he wants it...
I know he wants me...

but

I'm sorry I cannot...
As much as I want it, you... I cannot!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Anxiously waiting



God had seen how much I worked hard and cried harder in order to pass, how I wish I'd be able to receive some good news today...

Friday, October 30, 2009

InSensitive



"I want him... he'll be mine!!!"

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Inspired


listening to "When She Cries" by Restless Heart

I'm not inlove but I'm always kinikilig!!! hahaha!

I'm so excited with going back to my old self...

My diet starts now!
My beauty regimen starts now!
My optimistic side starts now!

Ohhlala life!!! loving every moment of it :D

Neutral Mode


It's true when my mom once told me that being in the outside world would test your sanity to the highest level... lotsa hypocrites, plastics, pretending to be someone who she can never be, aiming to be the center of attraction and many many more. I don't have time to any of them, all I want is to pursue this simple dream and enjoy life with my family.

Unfortunately, I'm not good in pretending, if I don't like you, I won't act as if I'm cool having you around. If I like someone, she would definitely feel my sincerity.

I joined in a sorority thinking that they would help me boost my morale and confidence in achieving my dream. But heck no! I was totally surprised with its members... everyone has their own issues to deal with, and I'm tired of adjusting myself to fit into someone's mood! I won't kiss someone ass just to be accepted... so as always I'm in the Neutral Mode!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Bitch Mode



If I don't believe in Karma, I should have done something to make him suffer. I've been nice to everyone as much as possible, but look at it, there are still some who are trying to crash me as if they're the perfect creatures in this world!

Oh Lord... It's hard to be an angel... Please take back my Halo and put some horns in my head so I could vent out my anger and move on!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Past is Past

I thought it's easier to set aside the hurts and bitterness that once ruined me as a person. I could honestly say that I've already forgiven him, but whenever I think of the things he did that almost destroyed me as a woman, I could still feel that little pinched in my heart, a little pain, a little anger, but I know in time... hopefully I will be healed totally.

But as of the moment, I like the new me, very steady, very relax, no more tears, no more sleepless nights... I want to keep this smile, I want to keep this confidence, I want to keep this love for myself... I want to keep this excitement in pursuing what I really want and aiming high for myself and for my kids.

God had seen what I've been through, so at this time, I know that He's the only One I have on this journey...

Thank God I was able to pick up the pieces of myself...

listening to I Care by Rachelle Ann Go

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Damn! I'm in LOVE!!!

Yeah! I'm in love and I don't want to admit it!

I've been keeping this for a very long time now and I just want to keep it to myself... he knows, I know and we're cool in denying that we want to be together! I avoided him from the day I know that I have this fucking feeling and also because I want to focus on my studies but he caught me earlier and we talked about how we missed each other!

My heart haven't smiled since I started law school, but tonight she's jumping for joy! I know I shouldn't, but for once... can I do something which I feel is right!

Can I remove my halo to be happy.. even for just tonight?!?


listening to Steep by Nina

Friday, June 5, 2009

I can't do anything

I don't know if there's really something wrong with me because no matter how I tried to polish this relationship, it's really not working anymore. I am sooo tired! My heart and my soul are tired waiting that he will love me the way he used to love me. I do want this family so much but their dad is just so distant, I tried to be sweet to him in public, but he always avoid me to be near to him, he's been avoiding my touch... my kiss, my sweetness and that hurts me so much!

I'm not demanding anything from him, I don't even ask his whereabouts, but it's really painful that we're just destroying each other's own happiness by being together... I just want this pain to go away, I've been dealing with this for almost a decade now. I'm not praying so hard for God to give me the stars and the moon, I just want my heart to rest from sadness and my eyes to rest from tears.


listening to It's Over Now by Kyla

broken pieces

The most painful year of my life...
got close to someone, then I walked away...
got close again with someone, and I walked away...
someone offered me something beautiful, however I walked away...

I am hurting... but I understand my position right now and I respect their feelings that's why I don't want to take advantage of their vulnerability. And I know I'm not yet ready of anything as of the moment. God knows how much I love my kids but He also knows how much I wanted someone to take care of me at the end of a very stressful day, how much I needed someone to assure me that Falling in Love is beautiful, and being Happy is possible =)

listening to Where Do broken Hearts Go by Whitney Houston

my 28



Happy Birthday to ME!!!

Friday, May 22, 2009

1st year



Yikes! I missed to greet my baby on the exact day when I introduced her to world, sorry Sweetie, Momi has been very busy... But it's better late than never!

Happy Birthday to my ever dearest Partly Hidden!!!

More years to come =)

getting tougher



I just need to loosen up a bit, but my mind and my heart are very uncooperative.

Each day is getting tougher, and as much as I want to control everything, there are few things that are beyond my capacity.

I've been dealing with stress since I gave in to my mom's request to marry the man who's personality is the exact opposite of mine. I tried to work things out, but sometimes I'm just too tired to understand what he really wants! And no matter how much I tried to ignore that I needed someone to take care of me, my helpless soul is shouting for attention and care...

I know that I have to be much tougher than who I am now, since i'll be back in school next month, and that means more stress, more pain, more challenge!

I'm just hoping and praying that God will give me back my Halo =(

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

IM BACK

Whoa!

I didn't realize that it's been 3 months since my last entry and time flies really fast... met new people, been into different places, tried some of the restos in town, encountered a LOT of trouble, and had experienced "bembang" sessions from time to time,

But no matter how many people tried to see me in a different way, I'm still ME... and it's very simple to describe... just Me!

wohooo!!! I miss blogging!!!

More entries to come

Monday, January 5, 2009

~ Cristina ~

This is soooo ME!!!



You Are Original and Innovative

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You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.

You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.

A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.


You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.


You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.


You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.

You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.

You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.


You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.

You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.

You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.


You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.


You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.




thinkin of' "This is Me by Demi Lovato"

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Welcoming the New Year

Many have been asking of my New Year's Resolution for this year, but what's funny is I never made any New Year's Resolution even when I was a kid, for one main reason I don't believe in forcing myself to do something then will feel sorry if I failed to stick on the promises in the list. I do believe that if you can make it, then fine.. if you can't then move on...it's your life anyway =)

But for the sake of fun, I thought of making my New Year's Resolution for this year, and here how it goes...
1. less work, more rest
2. be more organized and I need more patience (parang awa nyo na)
3. need to save more for the kids' education
4. more fun with my family, that means more steamy moments with my husband wahahaha
5. no more boy-toys (meaning I have to be more suplada na by this time, no dinner date, no coffee no chats, no emails etc etc) Actually, I was able to fulfill this one even before Chrsitmas of 08 as some of the boys asked to treat me out, but I did not make any reply for no reason at all. Well I will really try my very best to behave this year =)

Unfortunately, I did not include any plans on buying expensive stuff or traveling in my list because I don't find them neccessary, as I'm more excited on the little hope that I can see on getting my family fixed, sana nga magbago na cia. hehehe

God may have His own reasons, why sometimes He doesn't grant me some of the wishes that I really want, but on the other hand, He blessed me with little things that He thinks I deserved to have... and with that, I am more grateful!

I may have hurt a thousand times by the man I chose to love, but the thing is I cannot leave him as he's the reason why I have adorable kids and why I became tougher and stronger as a woman.

Life is really good, with the spice of few mistakes and errors along the way... life is getting better and better and better...


thinkin of' "Big Yellow Taxi by Sarah McLachlan"