Goodbye 2008. Hello 2009.

My 2008 was like a kiss from a good-looking stranger.. very sweet but afterwards, you just want to forget everything that had happened so not to spoil the moment...

Many memories will be cherished, but few will be forgotten. I will always be thankful to the experiences, mistakes and learnings that taught me how the world works and how I can adapt to change.

What's good about 2008 was I learned how interesting woman Kristin is. that's why I am more excited to welcome 2009 as I now know, what and who's my priority in life.

Well, I guess... I'm back on the race ;p

Cheers!!!

Moving On 001

“Love is like grass. If you fall on it, it may leave a stain and some temporary pain.

But you’ll get over the pain, it will eventually stop hurting.

Now maybe the stain ruined your favorite pair of jeans, or maybe it was nothing special that was ruined, but either way the stain remains there.

And with time, it will begin to fade, but it will always be there, a permanent reminder that you, too, once fell.”

Dreams are made for children

Was arguing with him about my very weird dream last night which is I'm kissing him in Africa...

Sulit: wait... I had a question myself a while ago
Matti: huh? what?
Sulit: your dream
Sulit: the kiss
Sulit: was it just a kiss?
Matti: yeah! a kiss that was lasted for 2 mins I think...
Sulit: ok. yun lnag. thanks!
Matti: hahaha! why?
Sulit: why what?
Matti: why do u want to know if that was just a kiss?
Matti: hmmm u wanted to kiss me siguro before noh??
Sulit: hehehe... well, now that you mentioned it...
Sulit: I do remember...
Sulit: feeling...
Sulit: that...
Sulit: you wanted to kiss me before
Matti: hahaha! can't remember... sounds like that u do wanted to kiss me before noh??? hahaha!
Matti: speechless ang mama!!
Sulit: Hahaha! I'm not the one who is dreaming about it
Matti: weh! so its true nga that you wanted to kiss me before?

Hide Recent Messages (F3)

Sulit: I got a meeting
Sulit: but when I thought you were single.. I wanted to kiss you

Well, I just have to satisfy myself that dreams are only for children and not for grown ups who are trying to fix a family... Some may think that dreams are suppressed desires but for me a dream is just a plain event that happens when you're tired and stressed out! ;p

He may be right for always blaming me why I have married for the wrong reasons as we have a lot of things in common and might have shared happy things together if we'll give it a shot!

But honestly, he's not the only interesting guy who said those things to me lately, and it's kinda hard as I'm not into something right now but I need some people who may help me to bring back the pieces of myself again... and at this point, men are all over my world! Urgh!



thinkin of' "Sway" by Pussy Cat Dolls

finally... it's over

"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together."

Last night was a huge realization of my life, after I got tired of crying and calming myself... I realized that I'm just hurting myself by giving everything I have and doing everything I can to someone who cannot even respect me as a woman.

I know this battle won't be easy when I decided to just give up this marriage, yea! just give it up because it's useless, it's tiring and it's killing me!

As much as I want to try to understand his grumpiness, still I cannot find the reason why he's always mean to me but not with other people... he's always mad at me as if he doesn't want to see me around, and the way he treats me (i'm like one of the helpers), and the way he speaks to me (he's always shouting though I'm only 3 feet away). I just cannot figure it out why of all the people, it's me whom he loves to HURT!

Me... who always prepares his food and his things
Me... who always attends to his needs
Me... who only listens to him until 3am (even if I have work at 6am)
Me... who always have time if he asks me to do the errands or if he asks me to go to Cubao at 4pm (even if I'm pregnant)
Me... who cleans his shoes and keeps his cabinets neat

But I guess, my heart is right in telling me that I should better stop loving my husband who never introduced me as his wife to his friends and colleagues!

I guess my mind is right, in telling me that I should give my heart a much needed rest!

and I guess my soul is right when I realized that It's over! No matter how many answers or signs I'd ask from above, this marriage is really over! So I should better stop dreaming and have to move on now!

Before I logged in, I already packed my things... I know God will help me in this battle, I know it won't be easy but I'm prepared to face the challenge... I just want to finish the race fair and square.

But my tears begin to fall when I thought of leaving my kids for a while... but I have to be tough for them... I know we'll be together soon, I just have to find a new place as I try to tape my broken me.

thinkin of' "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry by Hank Williams

Forbidden

Why it is so damn hard for them to understand

that I'm not pretty!
that I'm not sexy!
that I'm not amazing!
that I'm not interesting!

that I am married and have kids!

and...
that how I wish they will just leave me alone!
and stop giving me the importance that I need!



thinkin of' "Oh Lord, won't You buy me a Merceds Benz by Janis Joplin"

touching each other's skin =)

The past few weeks were very messy as I was assigned to do a lot of things beyond my capacity, but then I have no choice but to swallow my saliva, close my eyes and begin the show!

And what makes it more depressing was at the end of the day, it's only me and my computer... me and my blog, as this site is the only thing who listens to my sentiments how tiring life really is and how sad to be alone at night.

After checking and replying to some emails, I logged in to YM and had few chats with friends and strangers. I was relaxed a bit until karate kid logged in and completed my night with a good laugh (not a smile ha but a laugh).

Karate Kid is indeed a very funny guy and him moving to Ghana makes me feel a little bit sad as we won't have the chance to hang out anymore. But then, thank God for the Internet as we still can catch up kahit sa YM na lang =)

karate kid: ... wasnt it you that said all jokes are half meant?
laundry girl: why didn't you take up law, you're very good in reasoning out, u have won a lot of cases kung naging lawyer ka!
karate kid: well, if you'd care to know, I was pleasantly surprised when you first showed up at my doorstep
laundry girl: what do u mean surprised? why? may muta ba ako when we first met? sorry I didn't notice. hehehe
karate kid: pleasantly nga eh
laundry girl: naniniguro lang
karate kid: slow mo
laundry girl: hahahaha
laundry girl: eh kse naman positive and negative sau wlang pagkakaiba! hahaha!
laundry girl:and then... continue..
karate kid: you're such an ego tripper!!
laundry girl: hahaha! me??
karate kid: yes you!!!
karate kid: hehehe
laundry girl: well, you started it... i just want to know the reason... bout ur statement..
karate kid: hahaha... do I really have to spell it out for you? I thought you were smart enough to figure that out
laundry girl: im not in the mood to use my brain at this time, am really tired!! pfft!
karate kid: hahaha! you just gave a up a few IQ points for this...
karate kid: well, if you have to know... I thought you were cute
Matti: hehehe
laundry girl: well when i first saw you ... i was surprised too
laundry girl: at that time you look like geoff eigenmann
karate kid: hahaha! that guy is tisoy
karate kid: I'm not tisoy
karate kid: hehehe
karate kid: well, like I said, too bad both of us werent available then...
laundry girl: yeah
laundry girl: too bad! BOOH!hehehe
Matti: but well looks like u got a good catch naman
Matti: ur new girl looks mabait naman and she's cute
karate kid: yeah. she's great!
karate kid: wanna know something?
laundry girl: hmmmm
karate kid: back then... when you were still coming over... I was curious on how your skin would feel against mine...
laundry girl: HA!HA!HA!
laundry girl: sira ulo!!!
karate kid:hahaha
karate kid: but then again, we werent available. so thats that
laundry girl: LOL
laundry girl: sobra natawa ako dun!!!!
laundry girl: hey have to go wla na sa mood utak ko eh, i processed a lot of paperworks today... really tired today!
karate kid: hmmm nasa anong mood na utak mo?
laundry girl: hahaha this is fun!!!
laundry girl: kung ikaw kausap ko... uhmm
laundry girl: never mind
laundry girl: hahaha
laundry girl: magugulo lang mga moods natin hahahah!
karate kid: hehehe, yeah having you around is really fun!
karate kid: ok talk to you later!
karate kid: ayt
karate kid: bye!
laundry girl: bye!

(*karate kid is also the doctor who inteviewed me for a job in my previous post)


thinkin of' "Here with Me" by Michelle Branch

my new Baby

It's not yet December, but Santa has been very good to me as he granted one of my wishes...

Whoa!!!
I got a new phone!!!
The phone that I really wanted, classic and elegant!

Whoa!!! I love it!!! I so so love it!!!
and Thank you very much to my sponsor!!!



Well, I guess this is my price for being a good girl hehehe...


thinkin of' "Going All the Way" by Perry Farrel

missing Mum

I haven't visited mum's place for a few months now as me always on the go and always busy.

While I was on a travel, mum was bragging about her Christmas decorations all over her place, so I asked her to send me some pics, and whoa! was surprised when I saw how she filled the whole house with different colors of Christmas lights.

Urgh!!! I suddenly missed the atmosphere of being with her... I surprisingly missed staying at her place...

Haaay! How I wish I can take a break and stay with my mum even for a couple of days, so I can watch the Christmas lights at night, while drinking my favorite hot chocolate... then will just sleep the whole day then will eat tons of m and m's and butterfingers!!!

But I guess, at this moment when everything seems impossible to happen, I'll just look at her pictures so I can feel the excitement that Christmas brings to kids (and trying hard to be a kid) like me =)









thinkin of' "I'm not Over" by Carolina Liar

one night of glamour and fun!!!

thinkin of' "Disturbia" by Rihanna

Painful

Wohoo!!!

It's been a while since the last time I hang out here, Urgh! been very busy with so many things, my laundry's new branch will be opened this week, tons of work in the office, raising 4 chipmnuks and healing my broken-heart (again).

Good thing I am sick today as I got the chance to log in and pour out what's making me so sad (and sick). But then when I started to look at their pictures (again), I changed my mind and have decided to keep everything na lang to myself and let the pain be healed in His time.

As far as I know, I've tried everything to make this marriage work, I know I've been a good wife even if I was badly hurt several times, pero siguro hindi talaga ako importante sa kanya so what's the use of crying eh he's having fun naman without my knowledge.

I'm not the jealous type and I'm not also dudera but seeing pics of him and his ex together, without my knowledge is a different story, he should have advised me prior to their get together.. and no big deal at all but then, I don't have any idea so the pics that I accidentally saw in this PC was a huge surprise.. well, maybe he forgot that I'm his wife!

Fuck! I just hate this feeling, I just hate being taken for granted!!! I just want to stop these tears from falling in my eyes!!! I just want to forget those pictures!!! I just want to move on and forget this day!!!

I just hope tomorrow will be different...



thinkin' of "In the Arms of an Angel" by Sarah McLachlan

Bamboo sang Himala

see more of this post at...

http://mcmdagudag.multiply.com/journal/item/17/BAMBOO_sang_HIMALA

Tic-tac and Dee-gee

Tic-tac and Dee-gee met last Saturday and had a very sumptuous dinner at Zhu at 32nd & 5th Bldg in Bonifacio Global City. After the pig out, they decided to watch a movie, both agreed to watch Tropic Thunder for a good laugh on a Saturday night.

Dee-gee wanted to go home after that crazy movie as she's already tired and a little bit sleepy, but Tic-Tac got hungry and wanted to eat (again), so both went to Krispy Kreme at Bonifacio High Street and continue their very interesting conversation about live, career, plans and family.

...I know that this is a good start of a lifetime friendship... ~Tic-tac commented~

...I hope so... ~Dee-gee replied~

thinkin of' "Look Away" by Chicago

my October

Mom was right when she said that "there is a rainbow after the rain..."

After few months of battling with Post-Partum Depression, looks like the prayers of my family and close friends have been answered. (wow! lakas talaga nila kay Lord!)

It's been more than two weeks now that I consistently feel good about myself every time I wake up and even if I only had 3 hours of sleep or worst no sleep at all, I'm still cool and I don't get irritated easily. And in addition to that, there are no tears on my pillow, only a morning smile reflecting on my bathroom mirror. That is what my therapy and counseling is all about, for me to learn how to control my emotions.

Everyday, I'm still swamped with a lot-of-do things and clutter is still everywhere, but I don't feel the heaviness in my nerves anymore, though I still feel a little bit stressed out once in a while but not to the extend that I wanted to throw up again or like I feel that I'm getting sick because mental strain is killing me.

Looks like 'miss- cool-under-pressure' is back. I haven't told my folks the good news yet, but I know they will be very happy of my improvement.

All of the good things would not be possible without the help of my kids who always bug me whenever they see that I'm so serious on what I'm doing. Either my son will crack a joke out of nowhere or my little Bea will sit on my lap as she mimics every movement of my eyes, my mouth, my eyebrow and will suddenly burst into laughter. Yeah! My kids love to make fun of me... crazy little creatures, but they are so amazing.

And of course, to my friends who always check on me 24/7, they never failed to share their time whenever they feel that I'm about to break down again. They've been with me without asking when this craziness will end... and they never begged for me to move on... all they did was to listen and pray for me. That's why I'm pretty sure that they will call for a celebration once they realized that I no longer bug them at the middle of the night for a cup of coffee hehehe.

And to myself, for enjoying the pain for a little while until it hurts no more, for letting the tears flow and then give myself a tap on the back once I got tired of crying. What I've been through was really tough, but because of my love for myself and for the people around me, I was determined to let go of the pain little by little and try to make my stay in this world worthwhile.

And of course, to my Creator for bringing back my HaLo... and for giving me one more chance to know my mission in this world.
Things are getting better... when I learned how to whisper to Him how much I needed Him in my life...


thinkin of' "Saving Room by John Legend"

one lazy afternoon

Haaay.. I do look old na talaga!







thinkin of' "(I've Had) the Time of My Life by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes"

copy-cat

This is it!!!
My own version of what is 'uso' today the 'manga' version of myself hehehe!

5 friends agreed that some of my pics look like the 'manga-version' while 3 didn't think so and 1 doesn't care at all (ala kwenta, bigwasan kita dyan eh! hmp!)

But as far as my own eyes are concerned, hmmm... yeah! I look like her! =)


thinkin of' "Come Back to Me by Janet Jackson"

miss Espresso

"make it extra HOT for me to WAKE UP!!!"


thinkin of' "Higher by Creed"

BiG things

September is a very busy month for me. There are so many things that are happening in my life lately, but too little time to post all of them in my blog...

Meeting a lot of different people, sharing dinner and hearty laugh with some bachelors (oops!) playing around, goofing around, Never-ending coffee and beer with friends, working out etc. etc. etc. I'm also back to reading a novel after 3 years and it feels so damn good.

Took pictures of some of the things that keep me busy, buti na lang I have Canon Powershot SD750 hehehe

09.04.08 `cute luau cupcakes for my little Bea when she celebrated her birthday`


09.04.08 `the luau cake`


09.08.08 `starting to brush up for the upcoming deadly entrance exams for further studies`


09.08.08 `with the help of this`



09.10.08 `and thezzzee'


09.11.08 `and this!!!!`


09.12.08 `helps me relaxes before going to sleep`

Next month, I''m planning to buy a new swimsuit as the gang is planning to go to Pagudpud before the Holiday Season. My schedule is also booked with studying of gun-shooting and golf (thanks to my sponsor hehehe)


thinkin of' "I'm Yours by Jason Mraz"

little by little

I feel a lot better now, and it looks like that my depression is starting to subside, which is I guess a very good news since I've been working so damn hard to bring back my normal self.

Thanks to my bessy Anna for always checking on me every night and for staying with me especially if my depression starts to attack again. I know that she's also busy dealing with her own issues, but she always finds time to be with me and help me to release all the hurts and worries taht I feel inside. And she never failed to send me the message "I love you girl" which helps me to feel that I'm indeed worthy to be loved.

To my Neng who checks on me during the day, as she always reminds me to log-on atYM so she will know how am I at work. She's very good in giving advices and encouraging words to keep me going.

And to my new found friend Geeps, for bringing back the glow in my heart by helping me to believe that the much powerful technique to overcome depression is to pray and allow God to work in my life. He has the right timing to make me laugh, when I'm about to cry, and he constantly reminds me that I'm a very wonderful person and that frowning will only make me ugly.

I know that there will still be times that I will stumble and fall, but knowing that I have these people around who will check my sanity from time to time... I guess there is no reason for me not get up and walk again...

thinkin of' "It's Over Now by Kyla"

HS reunion

As majority of the population went to the Eraserheads Reunion Concert, HS buddies decided to also have a blast as celebration to the Natal Day of our very cute friend Brian..


the Bday Boy


10 years after


still Fab after a decade


about to go home


thinkin of' "With You by Chris Brown"

they gave me a new NAME

People in the office were crazy calling me "Matti", of course, at first I was a bit uncomfortable being called by a different name but eventually I got the hang of it.

Though the name Matti was derived from my two names which is Ma. Cristina it still doesn't sound familiar to me.

My supervisor Gena , has to think a different name for me since we already have Kristine and Tina in the office. She gets confused because whenever she shouts my name there are two heads who will respond.

So everyone has decided that starting September, my name will be Matti

new name... new people.. new life... not bad at all ;p

thinkin of' "Miss Independent by NEYO"

my PatterN

Got curious on Timenutlatte's mosaic and made an experiment to try my own... the pictures are out of the things I like to do, the things I love to do and the things I'm planning to do

I LoooVVeee iiTTT!!!

I am not a Saint... I smoke when I'm stressed, I drink when I party. I flirt back when I'm bored. I bite when I'm provoked. I cursed when I'm angry.

hmmm, I may not be the Saint as my Mom expected me to be, but someone up there still believes that I deserve to have a Halo...

~geeh thanks =)


thinkin of' "So What by Pink"

maybe...

It's very difficult to post something inspirational, when you've been dealing a lot of personal issues and as much as you tried to get away with them, they keep haunting you wherever you go.

"Is being happy important to stay in a marriage?" that is the question that's preoccupying my mind lately, and up to now, any link to answer the confusion was no where to be found.

Maybe, I just got tired of sacrificing everything to my partner who doesn't seem to care that I exist or maybe I just got tired of understanding his moods and got fed up on changing myself in order to fit in to his world or maybe I just got tired of loving him wherein I know for the fact that he would never treat me the way I wanted to be treated.

Maybe I got tired of forgiving him whenever I caught him flirting with another woman even if I'm pregnant... or Maybe I got tired of forgetting that he once let me suffer in raising our 3 kids (working so hard to provide their needs) while he was having a great time of his life like a bachelor... or maybe I got tired of feeling like a trash and trying to pick up the broken pieces of myself because of all the hurts he did to me.

There's a lot of maybes and there's a lot of reasons why I wanted to get out of this marriage, but at the end of the day, I still choose to go home to the same house, and be with the same bastard.

Why?

ask me again... Why?

For one main reason, my kids... I cannot leave them just like that, and I cannot take them with me just like that, it will only complicate their lives and that's what I don't want to happen.

What I want is for them to grow up believing that they have a happy family. I don't want my lil' creatures to experience what their Momi had experienced when she was growing up.


No one explained to me why Pop only comes home once a week,
why Mum always cries every night.
And no one told me what is "having an affair means".

When I finally learned the truth, it hit me so bad that I thought I won't be able to grow up like a normal individual. Can you imagine an eight-year-old girl dealing with family issues on her own? No one cared with what I felt, no one cared with what I've been through. No one asked me if I'm okay to have dinner with my Dad's mistresses... because they never cared, that's why they never asked.

and of course I cannot share those with my friends who only know at that time was Barbie dolls and Care Bears.

As I grow up, there is so much hatred in my heart, so much sadness, thus I developed the attitude that I cannot do it, I might fail and other people might not like it.

And when I got married, I thought I will have a partner who will help me to fulfill my plans and dreams, who will help me to realize that the world is full of love... but life has been unkind to me... and let me experience the same nightmare I had many years ago.


But because of the love for my kids, I have to pretend that Life is good, that the world is full of Love..

I dunno until when... maybe tomorrow, maybe next month, maybe after 5 years or maybe if my kids are ready to accept that Mom can no longer bear pretending...


thinkin of' "All at One by Whitney Houston"

sweet return...

Yay! I found my HaLo!!!


~Meeh~

and he brought some friends in the House wohooo!!!


~Rocker~



~Reaper~



~Bookworm~


~Spy~

and of course, the excitement will not be complete without..


~the Jedi Master~


thinkin of' "Beautifully Broken by Ashlee Simpson"

trying to focus

I've been reading a lot of blogs this past few weeks and some entries were really interesting. I was moved by one entry which is about how to FOCUS, how to focus even if you're stressed out with work and with play (ehehe).

The article made me realized that I'm such a lucky girl who can do anything, and everything without getting tired. But, lately, because of some unexpected distractions, my focus in the things that I do got affected.

There are times that my kid is talking to me while I am daydreaming ;p that's why it's like that I'm only watching the movement of her lips, because I don't understand anything she said. Not until she shouted "MOM!!! are you listening???"

Oftentimes, it's really hard to focus when you're thinking a lot of stuff, most especially us girls who are a bit emotional about our environment. And yeah, the past few weeks were not very good to me (aside from I miss my Halo)I'm still in doubt if I can make it to school next year on pursuing further studies. You see, even if I'm already sleeping, my mind is still working and worrying all the things I have to accomplish the next day. I dunno why I don't get tired thinking and worrying, good thing that wrinkles were not yet showing on my face hahaha

I may say that I'm very paranoid about so many stuff... for not being able to complete few things at the end of the day, for the deadlines that I did not meet, for the plans that did not pursue etc etc. I also get pissed off when my efforts were not appreciated.

But lately, the statement of my mom "you have to enjoy life as it is, go with the flow, be spontaneous, because life is too short, every minute that had passed will never come back" is starting to sink in my mind. Yeah, maybe for a change, I'll do whatever I have to do in a day, if it did not end well, I don't need to feel bad, because there is still tomorrow to finish everything. And I guess I really need to have a break wherein I will only think of myself and only myself =)

Now, I could feel that my Halo is starting to come back... Yay!!!

thinkin of' Chariot by Gavin Degraw"

trying to be Good

It's been a while since the last time I post an entry on my blog that has sense. hehehe! Well, yeah some girls have to release their emotions in order for those to subside and that's what I did to my previous entries, instead of sharing what I'm going through with someone, I chose to write those stuff to avoid any issues or any nastly talk about me (err just trying to be safe ok.)

Honestly speaking, I don't see that I'm doing something wrong, in going out with my previous customer who became my friend afterwards or to a former co-worker who needs someone to talk to about his personal issues in life. And I don't think that it's wrong to rekindle a friendship I once had with a guy, who stood by my side when I was drowning with fears and worries. I just noticed that I go along well with guys rather than girls maybe because boys are not "maarte and ma chismis" they don't care about anything, as long as they're having fun. period.

I was looking for a good book at National Bookstore (@ Rockwell) when I saw this book entitled "the art of Flirting" I browsed some of the pages when I read the line "everyone has the capacity to flirt, people flirt in different circumstances, they just don't know that they are doing the deed". Hmmm interesting, I did not buy the book (not yet), I was still thinking where to hide it, when I got it hahaha.

Nah! Not that I'm afraid to be caught reading that kind of book, I just hate being asked "why do you buy that kind of stuff? are you flirting? are you getting techniques how to be a good flirt? blah! blah! blah!" I just hate confrontation and then I have to explain my side for hours which I doubt that they will understand.

To sum up everything, I still believe that I'm not doing anything bad ;p

Damn I miss my HaLo....


thinkin of' "Far Away by Nickelback"

my RepLy

I know that some of my readers were wondering if I replied to the email of my friend who will get married soon. After taking some time thinking if I will or will not. I chose the will side, that is because he became as one of my good friends before and he was one of the good memories of my past, and I know sooner or later, the much awaited closure will finally come true.
So here it is...

from me <@gmail.com>
to « him »
date Mon, Aug 11, 2008 at 1:24 AM
subject Re: ---I miss you---
mailed-by gmail.com

Hi there!

Was really surprised when I read your email, I thought that this email address has been forgotten by someone special... someone who has been a part of my past... someone who has been a good friend to me.

Good to know that at last, you found her, and actually before I read your email I already knew that you're engaged, our good friend sent me a message about the news.

Honestly I'm happy for you (I sincerely do) because I know that you always wanted to have someone to take care of you, someone who will attend to your needs and someone who will listen to your mega-habang kwento.

As for me, I'm doing good, I'm managing a laundry shop, and at the same time working as part of US and Canada Customs and raising naughty creatures, it's tough but it's fun... you know me... I love to keep myself busy as always :P

Thanks for remembering me and I want to say sorry for everything. I don't have any intentions to make your life as well as mine to be more complicated that's why I chose to shut off anything that is related to you, anything that will remind me of you, or anything that will bring us into a huge mess. It's painful but we both know that it's the best decision for both of us, right?

Even if there are things that seem not to be perfect in my life right now, I would still not choose the easy path as what I always tell you my kids are very important on all the decisions I have to make and I guess that's the reason why I have to turn down tempting offers hehehe

Cheer up, we can still rekindle the friendship we once had, I'm just here, nothing has changed except that I now have few lines on my face because of stress ;p.
As what you told me few years back I'm better as a friend than a lover hahaha.

~ME~


and yeah I also miss you :)

Very funny! While posting this entry, tears are slowly building up in my eyes. Paul was right, when he told me that as "I grow old my realizations about life become deeper, problems get bigger, situations become more complicated" that's why sometimes I wish I could go back when the only man in my life was my Dad and my only best friend was my mom and any pain could be healed by just a band aid and a lollipop...

I never asked to have an easier life, I just wish I could avoid hurting other people's feelings especially those who have been good to me. But as much as I want to choose something that can make me and them happy, there are innocent lives at stake, and I don't want their lives to be abnormal because their mom is selfish.

I haven't checked my email after I sent my reply. Well I wanted to cool down my emotions first and when I'm ready to know what I have to know, then probably that is the signal for me to check his reply.

I know there is an ending to all of this, I just have to hold on and keep moving :)

thinkin of' "Million Miles Away by Nikki Gil"

Because of Mango Crepe

The picture says it all...
I'm still savoring the sweetness of the Mango Mania from Crepes and Creme...

thinkin of' "You're Makin me High by Toni Braxton"

Applying for a new JOB

If the one who will interview me will be like this... errr I guess I'll just put up my own business hehehe

him(8/11/2008 9:05:24 AM): good morning Kristin
her(8/11/2008 9:06:05 AM): morning
her(8/11/2008 10:08:00 AM): looks like ure not busy huh
him (8/11/2008 10:08:20 AM): ok lang. just catching up on emails before meeting with people
her(8/11/2008 10:11:28 AM): u always have meeting everyday?
him(8/11/2008 10:11:56 AM): yeah. thats how I disseminate work. hehehe
him(8/11/2008 10:12:12 AM): If I dont call meetings, I end up doing all the work myself

him (8/11/2008 10:12:13 AM): hehehe
her(8/11/2008 10:12:35 AM): smart guy
him(8/11/2008 10:12:47 AM): smart guys hire smarter people
her(8/11/2008 10:14:01 AM): hmmm if I will apply for your company, will i be qualified Mr. Manager?

him(8/11/2008 10:14:07 AM): what are your skills?
him(8/11/2008 10:15:01 AM):
her(8/11/2008 10:17:39 AM):-- what kind of skills do u want to know
him(8/11/2008 10:18:56 AM): hmmm
him(8/11/2008 10:19:11 AM): well, are you a good linguist?
her(8/11/2008 10:20:47 AM): uhmhm maybe... i know english...
her(8/11/2008 10:20:49 AM): ilocano
her(8/11/2008 10:20:51 AM): bisaya
her(8/11/2008 10:20:55 AM): gay lingo
her (8/11/2008 10:20:56 AM): hehehe
her (8/11/2008 10:21:09 AM): chabacano
him(8/11/2008 10:21:16 AM): good good. you are well skilled with your tongue then

her(8/11/2008 10:21:33 AM): hahahaha
her(8/11/2008 10:21:36 AM): crazy!!!
him(8/11/2008 10:22:06 AM): any other skills you think I should know?
her (8/11/2008 10:24:46 AM): i had gymnastic class before.. i was also once a part of the dance team ...
her(8/11/2008 10:24:58 AM): though i dunno if that will fit on the skills that you're looking for
him(8/11/2008 10:25:20 AM): so you are flexible?
her (8/11/2008 10:25:26 AM): aha
him(8/11/2008 10:25:40 AM): I think we can find a use for that
her (8/11/2008 10:25:47 AM): hahaha

her (8/11/2008 10:25:57 AM): and how about you... what are your skills?
her (8/11/2008 10:26:02 AM): aside from wrestling???
him(8/11/2008 10:26:15 AM): I am not the one who is asking to be hired... I ask the questions...
her(8/11/2008 10:26:28 AM):

him(8/11/2008 10:26:31 AM): What kind of compensation package are you expecting?
her(8/11/2008 10:28:10 AM): can we first discuss about the contract... im really not after the money...
him(8/11/2008 10:28:52 AM): ok. what are your questions for me?
her (8/11/2008 10:29:04 AM): is you're company offers exclusive contract for those who will be hired
her(8/11/2008 10:29:18 AM): or you only have slots for part-timers at this time?
him(8/11/2008 10:30:25 AM): For now the company is only hiring freelancers on a per job basis
her (8/11/2008 10:30:29 AM): let me assure you that i always take my job seriously... and i dont only settle for what needs to be done.. i always aim for the best satisfaction of the clients and the company
him (8/11/2008 10:31:02 AM): glad to know that
him (8/11/2008 10:31:17 AM): I am certainly looking forward to having you be part on one of our projects
her (8/11/2008 10:32:01 AM): thank you... and now i guess... we can discuss on how much u will offer me

him(8/11/2008 10:32:38 AM): what are you expecting?
her(8/11/2008 10:33:03 AM): if i will have a very good looking boss like you.. anything will work for me (pffft)
him(8/11/2008 10:33:15 AM): I only deal on commission basis
her (8/11/2008 10:33:23 AM): what do u mean by that
him(8/11/2008 10:34:02 AM): it means your take home will depend on your production
him (8/11/2008 10:34:13 AM): you work harder, you earn more
her (8/11/2008 10:34:42 AM): how about if i work faster will i get extra pay?
him(8/11/2008 10:35:23 AM): faster is not necessarily better.
her (8/11/2008 10:37:22 AM): ok then, got your point

her(8/11/2008 10:37:28 AM): when will i start?
him (8/11/2008 10:38:06 AM): how about tomorrow at 5:30pm?
her(8/11/2008 10:38:32 AM): let me think about it, but then i thank you for your time
him (8/11/2008 10:38:40 AM): your welcome
him(8/11/2008 10:38:46 AM): oh, and we have a dress code
her (8/11/2008 10:38:52 AM): hmmm
him (8/11/2008 10:39:16 AM): skirts for women
him (8/11/2008 10:39:17 AM):
her (8/11/2008 10:39:31 AM): no way!!!!
him(8/11/2008 10:41:07 AM): you will have HR issues then
her (8/11/2008 10:41:27 AM): is dress code more important than my skills
him(8/11/2008 10:43:07 AM): that remains to be seen

her(8/11/2008 10:48:05 AM): do u also have benefits for newly hired?
him(8/11/2008 10:48:55 AM): we offer medical
him(8/11/2008 10:49:03 AM): with Doctor Sulit
her (8/11/2008 10:49:08 AM): hahaha
her (8/11/2008 10:49:15 AM): what will be the name of my boss by the way?
him (8/11/2008 10:49:31 AM): you will be under Mr. Sulit

thinkin of' "PS I'm still not over you by Rihanna"

cOmpLicaTed

(received message 21:32)
Hey! You better watch Lipstick Jungle, will send you the DVD next week. I can see your actions with the character of Nico Reilly played by Kim Raver hehehe ~che

What na naman?!?!? i've been behaving for the past... uhmmm 20 minutes hahaha. don't wori I'll end this up soon ~theen
(sent message 21:35)

(received message 21:39)
Booh!!! promises... promises.

i know that i've been such a pain in the ass since I got married with the man whom i think is wrong for me, but thanks girl for always being there. nyt ~theen
(sent message 21:46)

(received message 22:01)
chill! i understand that you're a late bloomer that's why hahaha and i know that you just wanted to have fun because it feels good inside. and besides ure not a bad momi and i'm proud of what you've been through ~che

(received message 22:05)
i love to hear your voice before i close my eyes, can i call you ~him

no! ~her
(sent message 22:06)

(received message 22:05)
why? give me 4 reasons ~him

because i say so! ~her
(sent message 22:07)

(received message 22:09)
that's only one, i need 4 ~him

1. because i say so! 2.because i say so! 3. because i say so! and 4. because i say so! satisfied??? ~her
(sent message 22:12)

(received message 22:15)
hahaha silly girl! i will call u tomorrow either you say so or you say so ;p ~him

thinkin of' "Escape Myself by Nouvelle Vague"

playing games

Am I? Am I?

"I'm just being nice and friendly" I justified.

I know that there are times that even if I have a clear picture that someone likes me, I still provoke him to like me more hehehe, is that what you call flirting?

Chelai has been consistently warning me that "flirting" is like a dangerous game wherein if the player does not know how to play it... then she will never know when to stop.

I know that I'm having fun talking to people since I'm really longing for someone whom I can share my thoughts at the end of the day, its just that a lot of them are guys who offer their time to listen to what I want to share. And the fun there is that you're sharing each other your thoughts and feelings like no one is listening and no one is watching...

"I will give you a lot of reasons not to get rid of me" don't you love to hear those words??? where on earth did he get that?!?

I know that I'm no longer a stubborn kid who throws tantrums if she does not get what she wants... my friend was right that even if I know my limits, time will come that the game I'm playing might not be fun and exciting anymore, it might cause a lot of trouble not only to me but to my loved-ones as well.

Can you just kill me?!?!?


thinkin of' "Forgive Me by Leona Lewis"

my friend Kira

So many great things that had happened and there's a lot of catching up to do with my blog.

I'll start with the goodies I got from my friend Kira.
I was into setting up an online business because of my fascination with beads accessories, when I learned that she was selling hand-painted necklaces and was impressed with her works so I asked her is she can make me a custom-made necklaces and wow! I was the first one whom she gave in to that kind of request And not only that, she even shared the experience to her multiply buddies. I LOVE HER!

You may check http://earthlydelights.multiply.com to read more about our story hehehe.


thinkin of' "When I Grow up by Pussy Cat Dolls"

FLier

I decided to create a new flyer for my laundry shop and was still very (as in "uber") busy editing my soon-to-be online business...

Hi bloggers! whatchathink on the flyer??? Would appreciate your genuine opinion :) errr have to delete the contact details when I decided to post the flyer here to avoid stalkers harharhar

thinkin' of "One More Chance by Piolo Pascual"

Season VI

Yay! Season 6 is coming to town!!!

thinkin' of " Closer by Neyo"

R-E-G-R-E-T-S

It's been ages since the last time I opened one of my email addresses. I was killing time when I thought of opening the email addy which my konsintedora friend named "my hideout". Only 4 people know that this email addy exist.

And unfortunately I read something that made me cry for the 2nd time this year.
I HATE IT!!!!

from ”guy friend”
to “me” @gmail.com
date Tue, Apr 15, 2008 at 3:20 PM
subject ---I miss you---
mailed by invalidemail.com

Hi Theen

I was still thinking how you are though, I heard many good things about you, I still want to check you myself.

It’s weird coz’ I don’t know if you still open this email address, but I’m hoping that you will have the chance to read this.

I’m getting married next year (which word do I have to use finally or at last???)
I know that this is the only thing you’ve been waiting and praying for me for many years, so here it is. I proposed to her 2 weeks ago, nothing unusual on the proposal, we’re just having dinner in a fancy resto when I asked her to marry me, rather sounds like commanding her to marry me hahaha.

She was tear-eyed when she said her YES, and as for me I still can’t explain why am I not excited to the decision I made, the feeling was mutual, she’s in love and I’m afraid to get old alone. We both want to have someone to be with at the end of the day,

But after the night I suddenly thought of you. Theen, I want to ask you if I’m making the right decision. Why is the thought of you always ruin my plans in life? Why can’t you just leave my mind ---and my heart alone, why is your sweet smile always in my dreams, your funny laugh always echoing in my ears? Why is it so hard to do the simple thing that you’ve been asking for --- why can’t I forget you?

After all these years, I’m still waiting for you to work things out with me, I don’t care how many kids you got, I don’t even care if I will be your number two, I just want you to give me a chance to take care of you and to make you happy.

STUPID!! You are STUPID!! I am expecting those words you will utter whenever I say these things to you and yea I am stupid as what I always answer.

I will visit Manila before Christmas, and I know that even if you know that I’m around, you will never communicate with me. Sometimes, I’m wondering maybe we still see each other if I did not tell you about my feelings, but on the other hand, I know I did the right thing because as what you always tell me, you will love the person more if he or she will not hide anything.

You know where I can be found, I am always logged in and yea! I do miss you… a lot!

--W--
Microsoft and Outlook are either registered trademarks or trademarks of Microsoft Corporation in the United States and/or other countries.

This guy was one of my friends in College, his school was the sister school of mine, so whenever there are soirées' or org programs he is always present.

He was very sweet but I don't know what's wrong with me why I did not give it a try with him before.

When my bf (who is my husband now) at that time asked for a cool-off thingy, he was the one who constantly reminds me that there is nothing to be sad of, he was always present whenever I feel down but I never thought that he felt differently, I thought that is how he treat his friends.

Then he has to go to London and asked me to wait for him, I did not reply but I felt something weird, we only communicate via Internet, he did not tell me that he loves me but I can feel his concern and he keeps on reminding me to wait for him. He always tells me about his plans on having a family, what are the things he will do for his wife etc etc. I never thought, I was included in his plans... And stupid as he is I did not wait for him, I thought giving my bf everything he wants will make me happy as a woman, then I got pregnant and my guy friend came back.

I never heard any bad words from him, even if he is entitled to curse me from hiding what's happening in my life. Then he told me he was in love with me he kept it from the very first day that we met because he wanted to be sure if he was really serious, he waited for us to graduate until he was sure of himself that he wanted to marry me... I no longer remember my reactions but I could still remember how I shouted at him the word STUPID!!!

We still became friends after that incident, but 4 years ago when I got separated, and when my husband was planning to file for an annulment, I asked him to leave me alone since I know that if my marriage will be put to an end, he will enter in the picture and I don't want that to happen since I don't want to complicate the lives of my kids.

He went back to London and I never heard anything from him since then.

I may have some regrets of not choosing him, but then I still believe that there are reasons why people have to be stupid, I may not know the answer at the moment, but I don't care anymore as I cannot bring back the past but I can do something for my future.

thinkin' of "No Regrets by Robbie Williams"

closing a part of my PAST

"Theen tumawag ako knina am sbi berns pmasok k dw. Ngclose ung lake. Wla psok efectiv nagun pro may pay til aug16. financial isyu."
-Jen-

Was totally shocked when I read the text message, how can good things disappear so fast? I was still thinking if I'm going to call Jen or just sent a reply... when my former manager (as well as my Kumare) called me and confirmed the news and asking if their General Manager could ask some legal advice from my husband, so I asked my husband to call the GM and try to help them as much as he can.

As much as I want to further discuss the issue here in my blog, my other side keeps on telling me that it's better to keep to myself everything I learned to avoid any involvement on legal issues that may possibly arise in the future.

Lake had a big contribution why I became tough as a CSR and as a person. I learned so many things from them not only work-related but also personal tips like how to handle back-stabbers and trying-hard-bitches and I'm proud that I won in those battles, with no help with anyone :)

I became independent and spontaneous when I became one of the claims analysts doon kanya-kanyang diskarte, you will be the one to make your own template, no spills, no scripts... and no training! You just have to sit down on your station, and ask God's help on how you will resolve the claims of irate customers. Though, there is no right or wrong answer... unfortunately it is a make or breaksituation, and you will know for yourself if you have to look for a new job hehehe. Our manager doesn't even care if you sleep during shifts or do other stuff as long as you hit the quota assigned to you, and you have topak... you're IN

I felt sooo sad to what had happened. I saw how the Manila team devoted their time, effort and have sacrificed better opportunities because of their loyalty with the company. I saw those hard work and tears because... once I was one of them.

I was mad with the people who ignored what the MLA team had done for their company for the past 5 years, (F*&#$!!!) "how did they forget that the reason why their business became popular and known all over the world... is because of -- Filipinos!!!" (A%@^\!!!) ~ madapasana kayo!!!~

On the lighter side, I wish my former co-workers the best especially Jen who is pregnant at this time... I will keep on praying that they can move on and that better jobs will come their way...

well I guess my heart is right... I have to end this entry and close a part of my PAST, a once beautiful past...

thinkin' of "So Close by Jon Mclaughlin"

why it is so hard to be ME

It irritates me when I have to explain to other people my side just to clear what they think of my actions.

Even if I'm not doing anything against the rule of man and heaven, I still waste my time explaining to them that it's not what they think it is!!!. I should have not care... they can voice out their opinion for all they want and I should have just ignored them, but still it affects me whenever I am being teased with the opposite sex whom I just considered as one of my friends!

I created my blog based on my thoughts and what I feel at the time I'm creating the entry and post it in here. It doesn't necessarily mean that what I feel the time I created the entry is the same feeling I will have the next time I log in.

And since I don't have much time for chit-chat with friends I thought that an online journal will help me unleash what's bothering me or what makes me excited anytime, no pressure... no effort at all.

And I guess I'm just tired of being judged whenever I want to share something that they think is not right, though on my part I don't see anything wrong with what I have done.

Most of my friends are conservative, that's why... and unfortunately, I'm very liberal and very understanding. I even have friends who are mistresses, cheaters, lesbians, gays etc. and yeah! I'm their friend, though I don't tolerate their bad deeds, I'm still there whenever they need me. Well, that's me, I can be friend by everybody, though I only have one simple rule which is I won't judge you for who you are as long as you don't mess up with me. And I love being ME and I don't have any plans to change myself at the moment because I don't think that something is wrong with me.

Many suggested that I should just go out with my husband to be safe, but it's not that easy, that's why instead of bugging him to give me some of his time or complaining of his absence, I'd rather go out with my kids or friends (boys man o girls). Eh ganun eh!

I keep myself busy with so many things so I can ignore the idea that there is something wrong with my marriage. As long as my kids are happy and as long as I can still take it, I won't entertain the thought that there is really something to be fixed.

I felt bad for those people who don't seem to understand ME, who always insist that going out with guys are some sort of a sin, WTF as long as I'm not doing anything stupid, then I guess I'm on a right track

thinkin' of "Wasted by Carrie Underwood"

Phone Conversation 001

My friend Derick has been complaining how I sound over the phone...

Derick: You sound like your mom
Me: Eh bagong gising kaya
Derick: Hindi kaya all the time kaya
Me: Yabang nito, eh di ba bye na!
Derick: No what I mean is iba yung voice mo over the phone at sa personal

Me: Sobrang pangit ba over the phone
Derick: Uhmmm not naman pangit, masagwa lang hahahaha
Me: Eh bakit tawag ka pa ng tawag, ang yabang mo talaga!
Derick: Your voice kasi sounds like a man, it's so big!
Me: My god! kanina sounds like my mom ngayon naman sounds like a man!!! Mamaya nyan sounds like a dinosaur na!!!

Derick: hahaha. When I talked to you kasi sa personal, masarap pakinggan... soothing to the ears. Or maybe because pag personal I see your face
Me: So now face ko naman lalaitin mo. O shoot!
Derick: Hindi kaya, you're pretty kaya

---Silence---

Me: uhmmm I don't find myself cute nor pretty
Derick: eh kasi ordinaryo na lang sa paningin mo yung itsura mo, but for other people iba... I find you attractive

Me (smiling): ewan ko sayo! You're too bolero for me to believe the things that you're telling me.
Derick: Oi! Hindi ako bolero
Me: Talaga lang ha, kaya ka laging quota kasi nabobola mo mga customers mo.

Derick: Oi hindi ah, maganda lang list ko saka may mga times din before na hindi ako kumota. I like your voice now, it's better, may inadjust ka ba sa phone niyo?
Me: Ang Yabang!!!!
Derick: hahaha sarap mo talaga inisin
Me: Ganun! So naaalala mo lang ako pag trip mo mang inis, cool!

Derick: Hindi ah, naiisip nga kita minsan, buti na lang nag resign ka na. Sorry din ako ang reason bakit napasok ka sa eway, nasayang pa tuloy oras mo
Me: No it's okay I had fun din naman with the people. I wouldn't have seen 22nd Street if I did not apply for eway noh, saka hindi mo ako kausap kung hindi ako napunta sa eway... hahaha.. so Ok na din kahit ganun
Derick: Sayang nga bitin eh, pero ok na din at least ok ka na ngayon, kesa magtiis ka dun
Me: I appreciate your concern, thanks!
Derick: Basta Ikaw Anytime

---Silence---

Me: Oist sige na I have so many things to finish pa. Bye na
Derick: O sige na! Sungit!
Me: Whatever!
Derick: Whatever! hahaha Ingat ka lagi!
Me: OO na! Bye
Derick: Bye Theen.

and the smile on my face was still there....

thinkin' of "Beautiful in my Eyes by Joshua Kadison"

Melodramatic

I was very tired and exhausted yesterday that I feel like throwing up...

I pushed myself to finish everything in one day, like organizing the bills... editing the new fliers for the laundry shop... listing the needed materials for the new online business... teaching the kids for their assignments... attending client meeting... etc etc

And my god! my kids were throwing tantrums everywhere and my husband whom I thought would pat me on the back to lighten up my mood even spiced up my day with a huge ARGUMENT...

I thought my bad day would never come to an end, as I was really irritated with everything and was really tired to even eat something. But then, silence came at around 10pm when I don't have any energy to even wash my face and brush my teeth. And for the very first time for this year "I sat on the bed, with a little light on the room and then I started crying... I cried like a kid and I cried like as if somebody died. It's really weird that because of too much stress I just cried for no reason at all. Maybe because I feel that crying will help me to ease the burden that I feel at that time..." and the tears did not disappoint me, after hours of crying, I got tired and fell asleep.

When I woke up earlier, I feel much better than yesterday, I feel refreshed and relieved, as if I just came out from a spa parlor. And eventhough I'm having difficulty opening my eyes, I still feel good inside :)

Having my own family really challenged me to be a tough woman, I never realized that this family has taught me many things I never expected to learn. Being the light of this family is not a piece of cake... being ME means HUGE RESPONSIBILITIES, and I guess my mom was right that there is no turning back, no right turns and definitely no left turns.

I've already swallowed everything... I swallowed my pride to say sorry even if it's not my fault. I swallowed the idea of pampering myself even for just a day and I swallowed my dream of becoming someone someday.
I have committed myself that no matter what happens, my family will be my priority, even if so many better opportunities as a career woman are knocking at my door, if it will risk my relationship and my time with my family, then I have to let it go.

I also commit myself that I won't give up, that I will be here as their mom and as a wife. But sometimes, all I wanted is to just walk away. Walking away is very tempting... I've been contemplating that maybe my life would be easier and much simpler if I just walk away, but I can't... I tried many times, but I still go back to my home, and I really dunno why.

No one promised me that this journey would be easy, but I hope with all those bumps, I can still get up and walk again..

thinkin' of "Like you'll never see Me again by Alicia Keys"

I'm Sorry... I'm in love again

I dunno why I have this huge weakness on dimples, those tiny holes on men's cheeks are so adorable... I'm sorry I can't help it, and I know that this entry is such a crap but what, can I do??? I'm only human, lumalandi pag may cute (ehem ehem) so kill me ;P

thinkin' of "Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney"

something New in my life

I'm planning to buy a new phone, to replace my ever hanging N70. I haven't tried other brands yet since I'm a very loyal Nokia user, but this MOTORAZR V9 really caught my attention... it's very elegant, very stylish, very classic...this is what I really want, something that is timeless... :)

I believe this model has been released last year, and my husband told me to check some website for reviews to see if the features and specs of this phone will work for me. Errr... I'm not a techqui person so I really don't know what is the upgraded features of a phone... as long as the phone will work on sending messages and making calls, then I guess there will be no problem on my part. I'm more into appearance of the phone that's why I fell in love with this unit.

I already checked some stores in Makati for this phone and one in Park Square gave me a very reasonable price if I'll be paying in Cash, unfortunately, at the moment they don't have the color that I want which is Mahogany, but they will call me as soon as this item becomes available.

Can't wait to hold my new baby... :)

thinkin' of "Tattoo by Jordin Sparks"