Melodramatic

I was very tired and exhausted yesterday that I feel like throwing up...

I pushed myself to finish everything in one day, like organizing the bills... editing the new fliers for the laundry shop... listing the needed materials for the new online business... teaching the kids for their assignments... attending client meeting... etc etc

And my god! my kids were throwing tantrums everywhere and my husband whom I thought would pat me on the back to lighten up my mood even spiced up my day with a huge ARGUMENT...

I thought my bad day would never come to an end, as I was really irritated with everything and was really tired to even eat something. But then, silence came at around 10pm when I don't have any energy to even wash my face and brush my teeth. And for the very first time for this year "I sat on the bed, with a little light on the room and then I started crying... I cried like a kid and I cried like as if somebody died. It's really weird that because of too much stress I just cried for no reason at all. Maybe because I feel that crying will help me to ease the burden that I feel at that time..." and the tears did not disappoint me, after hours of crying, I got tired and fell asleep.

When I woke up earlier, I feel much better than yesterday, I feel refreshed and relieved, as if I just came out from a spa parlor. And eventhough I'm having difficulty opening my eyes, I still feel good inside :)

Having my own family really challenged me to be a tough woman, I never realized that this family has taught me many things I never expected to learn. Being the light of this family is not a piece of cake... being ME means HUGE RESPONSIBILITIES, and I guess my mom was right that there is no turning back, no right turns and definitely no left turns.

I've already swallowed everything... I swallowed my pride to say sorry even if it's not my fault. I swallowed the idea of pampering myself even for just a day and I swallowed my dream of becoming someone someday.
I have committed myself that no matter what happens, my family will be my priority, even if so many better opportunities as a career woman are knocking at my door, if it will risk my relationship and my time with my family, then I have to let it go.

I also commit myself that I won't give up, that I will be here as their mom and as a wife. But sometimes, all I wanted is to just walk away. Walking away is very tempting... I've been contemplating that maybe my life would be easier and much simpler if I just walk away, but I can't... I tried many times, but I still go back to my home, and I really dunno why.

No one promised me that this journey would be easy, but I hope with all those bumps, I can still get up and walk again..

thinkin' of "Like you'll never see Me again by Alicia Keys"