R-E-G-R-E-T-S

It's been ages since the last time I opened one of my email addresses. I was killing time when I thought of opening the email addy which my konsintedora friend named "my hideout". Only 4 people know that this email addy exist.

And unfortunately I read something that made me cry for the 2nd time this year.
I HATE IT!!!!

from ”guy friend”
to “me” @gmail.com
date Tue, Apr 15, 2008 at 3:20 PM
subject ---I miss you---
mailed by invalidemail.com

Hi Theen

I was still thinking how you are though, I heard many good things about you, I still want to check you myself.

It’s weird coz’ I don’t know if you still open this email address, but I’m hoping that you will have the chance to read this.

I’m getting married next year (which word do I have to use finally or at last???)
I know that this is the only thing you’ve been waiting and praying for me for many years, so here it is. I proposed to her 2 weeks ago, nothing unusual on the proposal, we’re just having dinner in a fancy resto when I asked her to marry me, rather sounds like commanding her to marry me hahaha.

She was tear-eyed when she said her YES, and as for me I still can’t explain why am I not excited to the decision I made, the feeling was mutual, she’s in love and I’m afraid to get old alone. We both want to have someone to be with at the end of the day,

But after the night I suddenly thought of you. Theen, I want to ask you if I’m making the right decision. Why is the thought of you always ruin my plans in life? Why can’t you just leave my mind ---and my heart alone, why is your sweet smile always in my dreams, your funny laugh always echoing in my ears? Why is it so hard to do the simple thing that you’ve been asking for --- why can’t I forget you?

After all these years, I’m still waiting for you to work things out with me, I don’t care how many kids you got, I don’t even care if I will be your number two, I just want you to give me a chance to take care of you and to make you happy.

STUPID!! You are STUPID!! I am expecting those words you will utter whenever I say these things to you and yea I am stupid as what I always answer.

I will visit Manila before Christmas, and I know that even if you know that I’m around, you will never communicate with me. Sometimes, I’m wondering maybe we still see each other if I did not tell you about my feelings, but on the other hand, I know I did the right thing because as what you always tell me, you will love the person more if he or she will not hide anything.

You know where I can be found, I am always logged in and yea! I do miss you… a lot!

--W--
Microsoft and Outlook are either registered trademarks or trademarks of Microsoft Corporation in the United States and/or other countries.

This guy was one of my friends in College, his school was the sister school of mine, so whenever there are soirées' or org programs he is always present.

He was very sweet but I don't know what's wrong with me why I did not give it a try with him before.

When my bf (who is my husband now) at that time asked for a cool-off thingy, he was the one who constantly reminds me that there is nothing to be sad of, he was always present whenever I feel down but I never thought that he felt differently, I thought that is how he treat his friends.

Then he has to go to London and asked me to wait for him, I did not reply but I felt something weird, we only communicate via Internet, he did not tell me that he loves me but I can feel his concern and he keeps on reminding me to wait for him. He always tells me about his plans on having a family, what are the things he will do for his wife etc etc. I never thought, I was included in his plans... And stupid as he is I did not wait for him, I thought giving my bf everything he wants will make me happy as a woman, then I got pregnant and my guy friend came back.

I never heard any bad words from him, even if he is entitled to curse me from hiding what's happening in my life. Then he told me he was in love with me he kept it from the very first day that we met because he wanted to be sure if he was really serious, he waited for us to graduate until he was sure of himself that he wanted to marry me... I no longer remember my reactions but I could still remember how I shouted at him the word STUPID!!!

We still became friends after that incident, but 4 years ago when I got separated, and when my husband was planning to file for an annulment, I asked him to leave me alone since I know that if my marriage will be put to an end, he will enter in the picture and I don't want that to happen since I don't want to complicate the lives of my kids.

He went back to London and I never heard anything from him since then.

I may have some regrets of not choosing him, but then I still believe that there are reasons why people have to be stupid, I may not know the answer at the moment, but I don't care anymore as I cannot bring back the past but I can do something for my future.

thinkin' of "No Regrets by Robbie Williams"