finally... it's over

"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together."

Last night was a huge realization of my life, after I got tired of crying and calming myself... I realized that I'm just hurting myself by giving everything I have and doing everything I can to someone who cannot even respect me as a woman.

I know this battle won't be easy when I decided to just give up this marriage, yea! just give it up because it's useless, it's tiring and it's killing me!

As much as I want to try to understand his grumpiness, still I cannot find the reason why he's always mean to me but not with other people... he's always mad at me as if he doesn't want to see me around, and the way he treats me (i'm like one of the helpers), and the way he speaks to me (he's always shouting though I'm only 3 feet away). I just cannot figure it out why of all the people, it's me whom he loves to HURT!

Me... who always prepares his food and his things
Me... who always attends to his needs
Me... who only listens to him until 3am (even if I have work at 6am)
Me... who always have time if he asks me to do the errands or if he asks me to go to Cubao at 4pm (even if I'm pregnant)
Me... who cleans his shoes and keeps his cabinets neat

But I guess, my heart is right in telling me that I should better stop loving my husband who never introduced me as his wife to his friends and colleagues!

I guess my mind is right, in telling me that I should give my heart a much needed rest!

and I guess my soul is right when I realized that It's over! No matter how many answers or signs I'd ask from above, this marriage is really over! So I should better stop dreaming and have to move on now!

Before I logged in, I already packed my things... I know God will help me in this battle, I know it won't be easy but I'm prepared to face the challenge... I just want to finish the race fair and square.

But my tears begin to fall when I thought of leaving my kids for a while... but I have to be tough for them... I know we'll be together soon, I just have to find a new place as I try to tape my broken me.

thinkin of' "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry by Hank Williams